Revisiting
by victoriaely
Summary: Elizabeth decides to send a team to Hoff.Set in season 2, but no spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Many thanks to ga unicorn and linken for the beta

John was in Elizabeth's office and he wasn't happy.

"You shouldn't do this." He sat down on the chair in front of her desk, frustrated with the ongoing argument.

"We've already decided a team needs to go to Hoff and assess the situation there. I realize that it would be very hard on Carson. I would never force him to go, John," Weir said in her most reasonable tone. She was sitting at her desk, playing with a small coin and avoiding eye contact. Of all people, John Sheppard knew her best and if anybody could make her change a decision, it was him. She wanted to protect Carson, but at the same time she felt a need to help the Hoffans.

"Is this the expedition leader speaking, or Carson's friend?" John asked, trying to keep an even tone.

"As a friend I would never ask this of him, but as the expedition leader I have to send a team to Hoff, and I would like my best people to be on that team. He was part of the team that went there initially, there's no one who knows more than him."

"Do you realize what this will mean to him? He'll be haunted by this decision, no matter which one it is." John's voice showed a mixture of sadness, worry and frustration. He knew there was no other way, but he couldn't stop hoping for another solution.

"I know." Elizabeth bowed her head, trying to conceal her feelings. She knew this would hurt Carson, but she had no choice. She activated the comm: "Carson, would you please come to my office?"

"One moment," came the reply.

"Do you want me to stay?" John asked, watching her closely. He had no idea how she was going to handle this and wasn't sure that he should be there as a spectator.

"Yes, please. You were there when it happened, I think it would be best if you were here."

A few minutes later, Carson joined them.

"Please, sit down." Elizabeth invited with a smile on her face. All those years of diplomacy taught her how to smile whenever the situation needed it.

"How can I help you, Elizabeth?" Carson asked, curious about the summons.

"Is everything okay in the infirmary?" Weir asked, delaying the coming storm.

"Aye. Rodney had a little accident and now he's driving the nurses mad. As always."

Carson expected at least John to chuckle. He knew that Rodney was the same with John and the man usually enjoyed his small jokes. But now the colonel was serious.

"So, why did you call me, Elizabeth?" Carson asked, sobering.

"We're sending a team to Hoff. I wanted to ask you if… Carson?" Elizabeth stopped, concerned as the doctor suddenly paled. "Are you okay?"

His hands trembled despite his best efforts to keep them still. "You want me to go back? I… I…"

John went to his side and touched the doctor's shoulder, offering support. He jerked back when Carson suddenly rose from the chair.

"How can you ask this of me?" Carson choked out and stormed out of the office, ignoring all the staring eyes in the control room.

"That went well." John said, dryly.

"There was no other way to ask him." Elizabeth said defensively.

"Well, you have your answer."

"Do you blame me for this, John?" Her voice sounded like a dare. He made her feel heartless. It was hard to do her job and maintain friendships. The past few weeks, that seemed harder than ever. She had to make decision that couldn't be explained. Her hopes that they would trust her enough to respect those decisions seemed far fetched at the moment.

"It's just that… he's hurt. He's blamed himself for the Hoffans dying; this won't help him get past the guilt."

"I know. But he needed to know about the mission. He'll think about it and he'll make a rational decision."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"What do you mean?"

"The doctor in him will choose to go and try to help them. If there's anyone left."

Rodney was in his lab, wearing what John would describe as dorky glasses and staring at a plate.

"What'cha doing?"

Rodney jumped, startled. "What are you trying to do, kill me?"

"There's a plan," John smirked, wondering what those glasses could be for. "What are you doing? Trying to get some more lunch?"

"I refuse to answer that question. You wouldn't understand, anyway." Rodney said.

"I see you're feeling better."

"I was a bit nauseous because of the… How did you know there was something wrong?"

"Beckett said -"

"That whiner. I go there once a month… okay, once every few days - no need to scowl, Colonel - and he complains."

"He wasn't complaining. He was… Listen McKay, I need your help."

"Really?" Rodney took off his glasses off and invited John to sit on a chair. "What about?"

"Carson."

"Oh. What did he do?"

"It's not what he did, well it is, just that… I don't know how to -" John knew he had to do something to help Carson and after his reaction in Elizabeth's office, he felt that the doctor wouldn't accept his comforting words. He just hoped that McKay would be able to help Carson.

"Oh, say it already."

"Elizabeth asked him if he wants to go on the Hoff mission."

Rodney opened his mouth, but no words came out. He knew how Carson blamed himself for what happened on Hoff and he couldn't believe that Elizabeth and John could ask such a thing. They hadn't been there for Carson when he came back and didn't see his pain. But Rodney did, and he knew too well what this could do to him.

John continued, "He didn't take it very well. Don't know where he went after that, it wouldn't have been right to following him then, and I didn't know where to look for him after that." By the way Rodney was looking at him, John could tell that his friend blamed him for Carson's distress.

"I… I think I know where to find him." Rodney got up and headed for the door.

"Wait, McKay! What are you gonna say?"

Rodney waved his hand dismissively and answered, "I'll think of that when I find him."

_That's just brilliant, Sheppard. You just sent the master of diplomacy to make Carson feel better,_ John thought.

Rodney found Carson in the infirmary, and paused in the doorway to try and gauge the other man's mood. Carson was not normally an aggressive boss. He had a soft way of asking people to do things which created a casual atmosphere, and the staff responded well. But there were times when even Carson lost his composure. At such times, his staff seemed to remember he was the CMO and acted accordingly.

"Laura! I asked you t' check on him every fifteen minutes!" He wasn't shouting, but he wasn't very far from it

"Let's see how Lieutenant Ashmore is fairing." Carson said, taking a deep breath before following Laura to the marine's bed.

Rodney listened, a little amused. Unlike himself, Carson was usually patient enough to listen to his subordinates. His reactions today didn't differ too much from Rodney's, though.

"I have told you countless times t' check the - " Carson stopped mid-sentence and was staring at Rodney, "What do ye think ye're doin', Rodney?"

"I was just observing."

"Really?" Carson handed the chart to Laura, who was relieved that it was over. He gestured to his office door, inviting Rodney to go in: "I'll be with ye in a minute."

Rodney went into Carson's office and continued watching, while Carson looked over the marine's chart. Some time ago, he noticed that, while in the infirmary, Carson looked different. He seemed… older, as if all the worries were taking years away from him. He wondered what was it that Carson did to change into the good humoured person they all knew, outside the infirmary.

"Apart from observing, is there anythin' else you'd like to do around here?" Carson said, as he entered the room.

"You know, I rarely come to your office." Rodney said, still searching for a way to get Carson to discuss his feelings about the upcoming mission.

"That's because you usually stop on a bed and stay there for a couple o' days, at least."

"Kind of you to point that out," Rodney voice showed that he wasn't upset. He was busy scanning Carson's office for something that would help him get the other man to spill his guts.

"What can I do for ye, Rodney?" Carson asked, starting to grow impatient.

"How do you feel?" Rodney sounded almost doctor-like.

Carson couldn't hold back a chuckle. "Well, Dr. McKay, my back is a bit sore, but my physician said I'll live."

If Rodney didn't know better, he'd say Carson was just fine, but he knew how well the other man could hide his emotions

"I was always wondering what do you MDs do when you feel bad. I mean, it's not like –" Rodney stopped when he saw the way Carson was looking at him. He knew he should stop talking nonsense when there more important things to discuss, but he didn't know how he could bring up a thing like that.

"How are you really feeling, Carson?" he asked, instead.

Carson looked away, and started re-stacking some medical journals on his desk. "I'm tired. My shift ended half an hour ago and I was about to go to my quarters."

"May I join you?"

"I'm sorry?" Carson looked puzzled.

"I mean, may I walk with you in that direction?"

"Yes, just let me pick up some things and we'll go."

Rodney watched Carson grab a couple of CDs from a shelf and a laptop. He tried to see past the doctor's mask, but all he could tell was that Carson did not want to talk

Carson took one last look around the office to make sure it was okay and left the room.

"Why were you looking back?" Rodney asked.

"T' make sure everything was okay. Don't ye do the same?"

"Yeah, but we have explosives and stuff like that."

"That's not why ye do it, though." Carson smiled.

"I was wondering about the mice."

Carson chuckled. He sometimes wondered what was going on in Rodney's head. "What about them, Rodney?"

"Who takes care of them? I mean, someone's gotta feed them…"

"We have our mice and we take care o' them."

"Do you mean you feed them and change their beddings and… the rest?"

"Aye. Is there something wrong with that?"

"It's just that… did you give them names?" Rodney sounded genuinely curious. He regretted that he didn't find the time to talk to his friend about simple things like this when there were no problems.

"Aye. Amber and Copper."

"Let me guess, they're -"

"They're both white, Rodney."

"Then why those names?"

"Rodney, what's your cat's name?"

"Powder."

"Why?"

"Okay, okay, I'll leave your mice alone."

Carson felt a little of his tension melting away. It was good to have someone to talk to, to allow him to sink his worries until he would be able to deal with them properly. Even if Rodney could be obnoxious, the man was his friend.

"Well, this is my room." Carson said, stopped by the door.

"I know." Rodney stared at his feet, looking for the words he knew he should say.

"Goodbye, then!" Carson opened the door and went in.

"You… you don't have to do anything!" Rodney blurted out.

"Wha'?" Carson jerked back around, startled.

"You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do." Rodney's face was red and he was fidgeting.

Carson sighed. "You know?"

"Yes."

"I'm afraid there are things that I have t' do, Rodney. I have t' assume responsibility for what I did." He seemed resigned, as if he had made up his mind but it didn't appear to have made him feel better.

"Wanna talk about this?"

"No. Not now."

The door closed with a whoosh and Rodney was afraid he had failed his friend.

Rodney walked away, sorry that he couldn't do more. But Carson was going to be okay, he tried to cope and was doing it quite well. He tried to tell himself Carson was going to be okay, was coping well, working as he always did.

Then Rodney remembered how Carson helped him when they were working in Antarctica. He didn't know anyone there and he wasn't exactly the most social person in the world, but Carson helped him and made him understand the importance of having friends. Now, Carson was alone in his room, probably questioning himself.

"I have to go back" he muttered, and turned around. He stopped in front of the door and trying to think of a conversation starter. That's all it took, a few words to start the conversation, an explanation for his return. He was going to ask for a pair of mice. Tell Carson that he wanted them for… company.

He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. A few seconds later, the door opened and revealed Carson, who was standing a meter away from it.

"What are ye doin' here, Rodney?"

Rodney frowned. Judging by his voice, his friend wasn't surprised, he was upset. "May I come in?" He went inside, but noticed that Carson didn't move a bit.

"What can I do for ye?"

"I wanted to ask for something, but if it's not a good time…" he said defensively.

"Sorry, it's just that…" Carson's voice softened, as he gestures towards a chair, inviting his friend to sit down.

"Yes?" Rodney was happy he managed to get that far. His skills were improving.

"Well, you know." Carson waved his hands suggesting nothing was right.

"Ah, work." Rodney grinned. "Our jobs have more in common than you know."

"Apart from mine not being really science."

Rodney's smile faded. He was so used to bantering, he sometimes forgot when to stop. He never meant to hurt people around. "Carson, you know I didn't mean that."

"Aye, it's just that that's how I feel now. Nothing's working!"

"May I help?" Rodney's voice was so sincere, that Carson began wondering if something was himwrong with him.

"Are ye alright?"

"Yes. Of course I'm alright, I just want to help you."

Carson realized then why had Rodney returned. "There's little ye can do. There's little I can do, for that matter."

"What have you been working on, Carson?" Rodney asked, as he spotted Carson's laptop.

"The Hoffan drug." Carson retrieved the laptop from his desk. "You see, when we got the first results, I was certain we would be able to figure it out. But after the vote and everything else, I couldn't work on it anymore."

"Why are you doing it now?"

"Because I hope they didn't settle with that version and accept the death of their people like that. There's no point in me going there if I can't help them, if I can't at least explain why it went so terribly wrong."

Rodney wanted to say that it wasn't his fault, that the tragedy was caused by the stubbornness and stupidity of those people, but he knew Carson wouldn't listen.

In a low voice, Carson started explaining the things that worked and the things that didn't work about the drug. They both knew that Rodney didn't understand that much, but they also knew that Carson needed to do this. He needed to have someone who would just listen.

Three days later, John, Teyla, Rodney and Ronon were in the gate room, prepared to go off-world.

"Are you sure he's coming?" Ronon couldn't hide his impatience.

"For the hundredth time, he's coming! Just give him a few more minutes." Rodney requested harshly.

"We will wait." Teyla stated. She knew Ronon wasn't a patient man, but he was asking the most uncomfortable questions about the first mission to Hoff. She hoped he wouldn't ask those questions in front of Carson.

"So why does he feel guilty? It's them who chose to do it." The Satedan persisted stubbornly.

Before she answered him, Rodney moved in front of him and said, "Because he's too good for his own sake. Now stop asking these questions and keep your mouth shut. The last thing we need is for him to be upset by such comments."

Rodney knew he was too harsh with Ronon, but he wanted the others to understand they weren't helping. He hoped they would be able to help Carson on Hoff, or at least not to disturb more.

"Don't worry, Rodney, we'll shut up." John's tone showed that he understood Rodney's concerns.

They stood there in silence until, a few minutes later, they heard Carson's voice.

"… if he doesn't come round, call Schwartz. He'll know what to do." A small nurse was following him, hurrying to keep up. Every few steps, Carson stopped to wait for her and dictate further instructions. When he reached the team he apologized, "I had to monitor a patient. He's stable now; hopefully, he'll regain consciousness soon. Sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's okay, Doc." John said. "Dial the gate, sergeant!"

A few moments later they were on Hoff, staring at the city stretched before them.


	2. Chapter 2

During their first mission on Hoff, the capital city had looked like an 18th century European city. Their technological level had looked like that of the Industrial Revolution. Now, seeing the skyscrapers and modern buildings, they didn't know what to think.

"Are you sure they dialed Hoff? 'Cause you described something… different." Ronon observed.

"We're on Hoff. The landscape is the same, everything's the same, except the city." John Sheppard was truly amazed. When they left the planet two years before, he had doubted he'd see any of them alive ever again. He was obviously wrong.

"We should go meet the Chancellor. Maybe he will be able to explain what has happened here." Teyla suggested.

As they walked on the city streets, they saw that not only the buildings were different, but the clothing style was radically different as well. Everything seemed different. Carson couldn't stop from studying each person that passed by. He wondered if they had survived the drug, or if they had decided to stop vaccinating people before it was too late. He wondered what they would do if they knew who he was, what he had done.

"I remember that park," Rodney observed, "the theatre on this side and the school on the other. They're still there, but they look different."

As they looked more carefully, they realized that most of the buildings had been replaced by others with the same purpose. The only thing that differed was the architecture.

"In that case, we should find the Hoffan Council Hall quite easily." John found the situation strange. It was an unnatural progress and all the people on the streets seemed very distant. He hoped he didn't have to stop one of them to ask for directions.

When they finally reached the hall, they explained to the guard that they wanted to speak with the Chancellor, and then waited patiently in the room they were directed to.

Rodney, wondering how the Hoffans had advanced so far in two years, spent the time studying the detail of the architecture. It seemed made of a material unknown to them, looked like a hard, condensed sponge. None of the art pieces that had decorated the rooms before were present. The walls were blank, painted white; the furniture was simplistic, with no decorative attributes, but was comfortable. He stopped to study Carson for a while. The doctor seemed sadder than when they had started the mission.

"Is everything okay, Carson?" He asked in a low voice so as to not to attract too much attention.

"Aye. I was just hoping that… Remember that when we left he thanked me for helping them? I don't want him to thank me for what I did." He bowed his head and sat down heavily on a chair. "I fear that one day they'll realize it wasn't a help, as they initially thought, and will blame me for the deaths."

"Carson, I don't think it's possible for anyone to blame you more than you've blamed yourself." Rodney had hoped he'd be able to help Carson get over the incident. He realized now it was only Carson who had the power to do that, but Carson was intent on blaming himself.

"Are you afraid they might try to get revenge?" Ronon asked.

"No. I never thought of that. I don't know what I'm afraid of, Ronon. It's just that I have this bad feeling about this. About everything. It's wrong. It was wrong from the beginning." Carson sighed and started pacing the room.

A few minutes later, the Chancellor entered the room, smiling, "Hello, friends. It has been a while since we last met."

"Well, Chancellor Druhin, this is quite a surprise," John replied, shaking his hand. "This is Ronon Dex, a new member of my team," he explained, seeing the way the Chancellor was looking at the Satedan. "You've made quite a bit of progress, since we were hast here."

"It was thanks to Dr. Beckett's help."

Rodney cringed and looked in Carson's direction, afraid of what he might see. He was a bit surprised to see that Carson's face was blank. The doctor didn't show any emotion, any sign that he heard what the man had said.

"If you will follow me, I will show you the new Council Hall," Druhin said

As the others moved towards the door, Rodney crossed to Carson's side.

"I'm fine, Rodney. I don't need baby-sitting," the Scots said.

"You're my friend, Carson. Friends look out for each other. You taught me that." He hoped that his words would make Carson smile, but he didn't get any reaction from him. "What's wrong? Why are you so silent?"

"I was thinking… they're almost celebrating that horror. They're inhuman! I was worried for them, was thinking about what might happen to them, and they don't give a damn!"

"Carson, we're talking about a nation here. They can't mourn forever."

"Did they ever mourn? So many people died for these… these… " He was unable to finish the sentence, tears filling his eyes.

Rodney knew Carson had cared for Perna and her death, by a medicine that he had helped develop, had shattered him.

"She said she was proud… proud!" Carson stopped in the middle of the hallway and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. "I shouldn't have come. I won't be able to hold myself together."


	3. Chapter 3

Rodney looked around, trying to find a chair. When he saw a bench, he gently pushed Carson in that direction and helped him sit down. It was painful to see a normally strong, brilliant man could be broken down by the stupidity of people. The people he had tried to help.

He urged his friend to calm down. Carson had been right about not being able to face this. Rodney was sorry he hadn't objected more strongly when John told him about this mission. It was painful to see his friend this devastated. He feared Carson may have been right, that returning to Hoff would end in nothing but pain.

Their morose ponderings were interrupted by loud noises coming from the conference hall. They heard screams and gun shots, and then the chancellor laughing hysterically.

"What the hell?" Carson rose from the couch, heading towards the room.

Rodney grabbed him and indicated he should remain quiet. They moved behind column and watched as Hoffan soldiers passed by, escorting a Wraith.

Carson opened his mouth, gasping for air, unable understand what was happening. He turned to Rodney, obviously hoping for answers.

"It looks like the Hoffans and the Wraith are collaborating." Rodney was trying not to panic, but their options were limited and Carson wasn't in any shape to think of an escape plan. That left him the only one who could get them away and the shaking in his hands wasn't a good sign.

"What could they possibly want with John, Teyla and Ronon? They… wanted me. When I stopped… they didn't realize it. When they will…" Carson realized that the little delay that had allowed Rodney and him to be free might be the reason for John, Teyla and Ronon's deaths.

"They know we're here. They won't kill the others as long as they're looking for us. Come." Rodney grabbed Carson's hand and headed for the exit. He hoped the Wraith would want the other members of his team alive. There was nothing he could do about it right now, however. He needed to keep Carson, and himself, safe and get help from Atlantis.

Unluckily for them, there weren't many dark alleys in the center of the Hoffan Capital, but they hoped the locals wouldn't pay too much attention to them.

When they reached a less crowded area, Rodney explained,

"I've been thinking... When the Wraith came here and found them immune, they probably wanted to know how it happened. I suppose some sort of bargain was made. The Wraith help the Hoffans, the Hoffans help them. It explains how they evolved so quickly."

Carson looked at Rodney, puzzled by his words. "What would happen if we escaped? What if the Wraith wiped them out because they can't capture me?"

"Like we thought they had? I'd say they fully deserved it this time," Rodney said, anger showing in his voice.

He heard the sound of a Wraith stunner and turned to see Carson slumping to the ground. Two Wraith drones swung their weapons toward him, and then he was falling too.

When Rodney woke, he found himself on the floor of the Council Room, arms and legs bound. Teyla, John and Ronon were nearby and in the same situation.

He followed John's gaze and saw Carson, tied to a chair, in the middle of the room. The doctor seemed to be unconscious.

"You idiots! You killed him! Why didn't you shot him three times, if you got that far? Humans aren't strong enough to take several stun blasts!" John was angry and was struggling against his restraints.

The chancellor smiled when he saw the scientist was awake. "Maybe Dr. McKay can help us."

"Rodney." John didn't know if he should be happy or sad that McKay was awake. "They stunned Carson twice, and now he's not waking up."

"Perhaps he is trying to deceive us." The Wraith said in his strange, hissing voice. "Bring one of the prisoners."

Rodney shivered, wondering what the Wraith had planned. As one of the soldiers approached them, the Wraith hissed: "Not one of them, you idiot. One of the other prisoners." The soldiers left the room and returned a few minutes later with a short, middle-age man. He was in a poor condition, dirty, with some rags as clothes and utterly terrified.

The soldier stopped in front of Carson, holding the man's bound hands at his back. The Wraith slowly approached and looked towards Sheppard. "This should wake him, human."

The Wraith slammed his right hand into the man's chest and began to feed. The man screamed, his pain and terror filling the room.

Carson's sudden return to consciousness was fraught with terror, his first sight that of a Wraith feeding upon a helpless man. He shouted, begging the Wraith to stop, but was ignored. He watched helplessly as life was slowly drained from the man in front of him.

When the prisoner finally died, the Wraith closed his eyes in satiation. Carson unexpectedly found himself thankful the poor man was dead. He looked around in the sudden silence and saw his friends tied up on the floor. Next to them was the chancellor, a forced smile on his face. Carson wished more than ever that he hadn't met this man, that he hadn't come to Hoff in the first place.

"It is good to have you awake, human." The Wraith approached Carson's chair and put his hand on the doctor's shoulder. "We have found interesting things on our arrival here and we were told you are responsible for them."

Carson found himself reluctantly studying the Wraith. The yellow eyes seemed devoid of life. Carson found himself remembering everything that he ever learned about the Wraith from Dr. Biro's reports. How they were built to feed on humans. He heard the Wraith speaking to him as if from a distance, but he couldn't bring himself to listen or respond. He watched the Wraith in fascination, studying the features, and wondered if that was the last thing he'd see before he died.

The Wraith put his index finger on Carson's left temple and pressed the nail into the doctor's skin. Drops of blood started to fall, tracing a line from temple to chin. Carson fought hard, trying not to scream, but as the Wraith moved his finger across the blood trail, cutting the skin, he couldn't stop.

After the Wraith stopped, Carson could hear himself weeping, but he didn't care. It was such a small thing, even he had worse things happening to him than a cut on his face, but he couldn't hold it in anymore.

"What have you done to him?" John yelled. It was frustrating, being unable to help his friend. He felt he was responsible for everything that happened; he was the one that should have protected the scientists and ensured that this didn't happen. But he had failed and

was unable to do anything to fix it.

"Take him to a cell," The Wraith ordered. Two soldiers cut Carson's restraints and dragged him away. The Wraith then turned towards the others "Maybe this will teach him a lesson. He shouldn't oppose us. None of you should."

"What have you done to him? He needs to have that cut treated. It might get infected." Rodney was angry. He knew that compared to the other things the Wraith could have done, cutting Carson's face was insignificant. That's why he feared there was more to it than a simple injury.

"Let's just say he will be more… aware of his surroundings."

The Wraith gestured towards them and soldiers came and hauled them to their feet. They were marched to the lower levels of the building, to a small, dimly lighted cell.

"Why is it that the cells are always dark?" Sheppard muttered, not daring to look at his friends.

"Who is it? Who's there?" Carson's voice asked from inside the cell.

"It's us; it's gonna be okay, Carson," Rodney tried to assure him, although his first sight of his friend made the words stick in his throat. Carson was blindfolded, with his hands and ankles in restraints; his arms drawn above his head and attached to the wall. Blood had dried on his face. Seeing him like that, Rodney felt a twinge in his stomach. Carson didn't deserve to be treated like this.

Their hands remained bound, but the restraints on their legs were connected to a chain secured to the wall. Their position was comfortable, compared to Carson's. The doctor kept fighting his restraints, turning from one side to the other, jarring his hands in the shackles.

"Carson, you are going to hurt yourself more if you fight like this," Teyla said, trying to calm him down.

"Who? Who are you? Who are you talking to?" Carson's questions were asked in a low voice, which got even lower as time went by. He kept asking about his surroundings, repeating the same two questions, obsessively.

John and Ronon fought against their restraints, trying to break free and get to Carson. It was hard for all of them to just sit there and watch Carson in his delirium. It was obvious that he wasn't aware of his surroundings and the words that he was whispering made no sense.

"I'm sorry." John said in a low voice, after he stopped trying to free his hands.

"There's nothing you can do, Colonel, you'd only hurt yourself further." Rodney said in a reassuring voice. After a short pause, Rodney explained "We tried to get to the Gate, but they came from behind us and stunned us. There was nothing I could do."

"Neither of us could have expected this." Teyla affirmed.

"We came to help them. Carson came to -" Rodney stopped suddenly as he heard a moan of pain from Carson. He was still moving against his restraints, in the same uncomfortable position and they were unable to help him. "He came to help them and now look what they've done to him."

"We must escape and we will be able to help him when we are in Atlantis." Teyla said.

"We can't escape. The hallway that brought us here has no other exit."

Rodney frowned at Ronon's words. "Other exit?"

"It goes straight to the Council Hall. There's no way to get out of here without going through that room, and I think that's where the Wraith set his headquarters." John explained, desolation obvious in his voice.

"We have been missing for some time. Doctor Weir will certainly send a team to look for us and when they -"

"Teyla, the Wraith will treat a rescue team the same way they treated us. By the time they realise that something's wrong, they'll be in a cell, just like us." Rodney was frustrated and he couldn't keep his tone on an even level. He was angry with the Hoffans, with himself for not being able to do more, with the others for not being able to come up with an escape plan. "We can't just sit here and wait."

"Right now, we don't have any options, McKay." John tried to calm him. "There's no point in wasting our energy fighting with each other. We'll think of a solution and when we have an opportunity, we'll escape."

After what felt like a few hours, Carson's ramblings were barely a whisper. They had given up hope that he could understand them, that he knew who they were. The only thing they dared hope for was that he could fall asleep. There were a few moments of silence, then he screamed. It wasn't pain, it was a scream of horror.

Rodney reached out to try and calm him, but Carson started thrashing at the gentlest touch.

"Don't! Don't touch me! Don't touch!"

Rodney snatched back his hand, afraid that Carson might injure himself further.

The doctor's turmoil continued, nothing his friends did capable of stopping it. Occasionally, he seemed to calm down a bit, but then the mumbling, trembling thrashing and cries would start again.

"Do you have any idea what's causing this, Rodney?" John asked, feeling the need to focus on something else.

"I don't know. I've never seen such a thing before. Teyla, have you seen this?"

"No, I have not."

"I have." Ronon's voice echoed in the small chamber.

"Why didn't you say something?" Rodney was furious.

"There's nothing you can do. The substance the Wraith introduced to his system forces him to see the images the Wraith projects."

"So… he's seeing what the Wraith wants him to see?"

"Yes."

"Shadows?" Teyla asked. She hoped that Carson would learn how to ignore them, as her people and so many others had.

"No. It's a lot like the link you have with them. Except he can't end it. So, he sees what the Wraith want him to see; probably feels some of it, too."

"There must be something we could do to stop it. There must be something." Rodney was desperate. If Carson went on like that, he would go into shock. Without someone to help him, he would die before their eyes.

"The only solution is to eliminate the substance from his body."

"Is there any way we could do it?" Rodney asked.

"No, he might bleed too much if we try anything."

"Not that way; maybe give some sort of antidote." Rodney was shocked that Ronon had suggested that.

"We would need to be in Atlantis," Teyla observed.

They sat in silence, trying to think of ways to help their friend, while he fought unseen demons.

It was almost day outside when Carson stopped moving. Rodney was expecting to see a new round of the delirium, but nothing happened. The others noticed it, as well, and they moved closer to Carson.

Teyla gently touched his face, drawing circles on his right temple. "Carson, can you wake up?"

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at them. They saw recognition in his eyes and hoped the toxin had run its course.

"S'rry" was all he could say, before a new wave of tremors overtook him.

"It is time to say your last words to him, because he will die soon."

They heard the Wraith behind them but none of them spared him a glance. They held Carson to keep him from spasming, to keep him from dying.

Carson opened his eyes and looked at the Wraith. He knew what the Wraith wanted him to say. Then it would all be over. But if he did, all his fight would have been in vain. He closed his eyes, preparing for peace. He felt his friends' hands holding him. He realized that if he didn't do what the Wraith asked of him, his friends and the entire population of Hoff - the ones that had survived being inoculated with his drug – would die. He had to go on. "Let them go."

"What was that?" the Wraith asked, approaching and smiling in satisfaction.

"Let them go and I'll do it." Carson's voice was barely audible, but he knew the Wraith had heard him.

A few moments later, he felt a sharp sting in his temple. As he fell into unconsciousness, all he felt were the warm hands of his friends, holding him.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Betaed by the wonderful ga unicorn and linken. Thank you very much for your help.

Sorry that I didn't update sooner.

Carson woke slowly in the dimly lit room. As he tried to remember what had happened, he heard the voice of the Wraith addressing him, "You are finally awake, human."

He tried to stand up, but Teyla's hands on his shoulders stopped him. "You should rest, Carson," she said quietly.

"You promised that you'd let them go," Carson said to the Wraith, ignoring Teyla's advice.

"Yes. And I will." The Wraith gestured to two of the drones, who unceremoniously grabbed Sheppard and Ronon and pushed them towards the door.

"Wait!" Rodney interrupted. "What will happen to you? What did you promise, Carson? And why?"

The Wraith grinned and stopped the drones with a wave of his hand. "You may choose one who will stay behind for you to explain the situation. Then you will watch as they leave the planet through the stargate, as we agreed. Which one should it be?"

Carson knew that, of the four, Sheppard needed to know so he could plan a rescue. But Carson decided to tell Rodney, knowing Rodney would blame himself for the capture and for the deal Carson had made.

"Him," he said simply, pointing at Rodney.

"Carson, I think that you should..." John wanted to tell him so much, and he had hoped Carson would choose him. It was frustrating to see how everything he had done since Elizabeth first mentioned this mission had been useless. He hadn't been able to protect them or find a way to escape. "Take care of yourself, Carson. These people don't deserve anymore sacrifices." He paused for a moment, hoping for a response from his friend. When it didn't come, he continued, "We will do everything we can. We will get you away from here -"

The Wraith interrupted Sheppard, "Your doctor will be freed as soon as he fulfills his part of the deal." He nodded to one of the drones and the others were taken out of the room, while Rodney moved closer to Carson.

"You shouldn't have done this for us, Carson," Rodney said. "We would have escaped. I'm sure that -" Rodney stopped and glared at the Wraith. "May we have a moment here?"

With a sarcastic smile, the Wraith exited the room.

"Why did you do this?"

"Rodney, they went to all this trouble to get me. Only me. There was no point in them killing you as well. Please, understand. It was this or death," Carson bowed his head, unable to look Rodney in the eyes. "They would have killed everyone on this planet."

"They would have deserved it, Carson. They -"

"No, they... not all of them. We don't have the right to judge, Rodney."

Rodney knew there was little he could do to help his friend. They would have to go through the gate and return to save him. The only thing that Carson had to do was stay alive. "What did you promise to do?"

"Help them activate Ancient technology," Carson sounded like he was at peace with this, but Rodney knew how scared he was when activating Ancient technology on Atlantis.

"And you're okay with it?"

"I can't activate weapons... not very well, anyway. There's so much I can't do, Rodney. By the time they realise it you will have rescued me." Carson forced a smile on his lips, trying to comfort his friend. He believed what he said, it was one of the reasons he had accepted this deal. He was scared, more than he had ever been, but he had to calm Rodney down, to help the other man get pass the guilt. All of them had to stop feeling guilty for what happened. "This isn't your fault, Rodney. This isn't anybody's fault."

Rodney tried not to think that this may be the last time he saw Carson, but he knew the chances of seeing his friend alive again were not high. "We won't stop until we get you back."

"I know," Carson replied softly.

Even if Rodney had something more to say the tears that were building up stopped him. He pulled Carson into a strong hug and whispered, "You must stay alive, Carson. You must."

The Wraith slowly entered, smiling at the scene before him. Humans were such weak creatures. "Are you done?"

Carson looked at him and replied in a shaky voice, "Aye."

The Wraith approached and before Carson knew what was happening, grabbed his right hand in a strong hold. As Carson struggled to break free two drones immobilized him. The Wraith took out a device from his pocket and showed it to Carson.

"I believe you have studied one of these." Carson recognized the hard material as the strange nail-like tissue that covered some of the fingers of the wraith he previously studied. "This enables us to communicate with each other. It will work a little differently for you, but I think it will suit our purposes." The Wraith placed the device on Carson's middle finger. Carson felt the object warm up and felt small spikes shoot out of the device into his finger, embedding itself.

Rodney had watched the entire incident horrified, unable to move a muscle. He knew that Sheppard would have fought, trying to stop them, but he couldn't. Not until he heard Carson cry in pain. He tried to hit one of the drones holding him, to break free, but the Wraith grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him to the other side of the room.

"I assure you he is in no pain. This is just a way for us to assure his cooperation once you have left."

"Carson?" was Rodney's barely audible response to the Wraith's words.

"I'm fine. It was just... I'm fine."

They slowly made their way out of the City Hall, passing by clerks and drones. Carson wondered if the humans would be so calm if he hadn't agreed to the Wraiths' demands. If any of them would be alive. Rodney was trying to slow them down, walking as slow as he could. Truth be told, Carson wanted this to be over with, to see them walk through the gate, but he couldn't blame Rodney. He would have done the same in his place.

When they made it to the streets, there was nothing more Rodney could do to delay them. He had to keep pace with the drones escorting them. As absurd as it was, he wished he would wake up and find himself in Atlantis. Everything would be so simple. But his life was never simple.

He fought not to look at the people on the streets. He didn't want to see their reactions, no matter what they were. These people were the reason why Carson was staying with the Wraith; why they had to leave him behind.

The last building of the city behind them, they could see the stargate and a small group by the DHD. Carson was stopped by the Wraith twenty meters from the others. He could distinguish who was who, but nothing more.

Before Rodney had the chance to say anything, the drones grabbed him and started walking towards the gate. He could see one of the drones dialing an address that Sheppard was giving. As soon as the wormhole engaged, Teyla and Ronon were sent through. Rodney turned around one last time and saw Carson waving. He was too far away to see much, but Rodney knew that Carson was crying. Just like he was.

After Rodney and John walked through the event horizon the gate disengaged. Carson felt more alone than he had ever thought possible. He was happy that the others were safe, away from Hoff. Still, he would have given anything not to be alone.


	5. Chapter 5

She always worried when the off-world teams didn't report on-time. Now, she wasn't only worried, she felt guilty. She had ignored Sheppard's suggestions and now she was waiting for them to return, hoping nothing bad had happened.

It seemed as if most of the expedition members had thought it was a bad decision. Carson's 2IC, Dr. Andrews made it very clear at the briefing they'd had in the morning. Even Radek, who never questioned her decisions, made a comment that showed his disagreement. And now they had missed their scheduled contact, and were late returning. Given the choice again, she wouldn't send them there. But it was too late for that. In two hours, she would officially announce that they were MIA and prepare a rescue team.

Radek entered her office without knocking and sat in one of the chairs opposite her desk. "When Rodney and John were on the planet with the crashed Wraith ship, you sent a rescue team fifteen hours ahead of time. Why won't you send a team there now?"

Elizabeth was shocked by his words, by the determination in his voice. "If something has happened, sending another team would only -"

"Nobody is blaming you for making that decision. Some are blaming you for not listening, but that is a different matter. You are the expedition leader and we respect your decision." He paused, trying to find the right words. "Something is obviously wrong. If we wait longer, they might be worse." He rose and headed for the door, but stopped when Elizabeth spoke.

"I'm going to be meeting with Lorne in a little while to discuss our options."

Before Radek could answer, the gate started spinning in the room below and the gate technician announced the incoming wormhole.

Elizabeth rushed to the command console and watched the monitors as the code was processed. Colonel Sheppard's IDC was confirmed and the shield opened allowing four people to step through.

John ordered in a low voice, "Raise the shield."

"What about Carson?" Elizabeth asked, surprised by his request.

"He's not coming," Sheppard said, his voice filled with guilt.

"My office. Now." Elizabeth didn't even try to hide the tremors in her voice. Things had gone terribly wrong and it was her fault.

Before Elizabeth could ask them anything, Rodney summarized the events of the past two days. "We went there to find the Hoffans had become more advanced than any society on Earth. They were welcoming toward us until we were inside the City Hall, then the goons came in and captured us. They wanted Carson to help them activate Ancient technology, or they would kill everyone. Carson accepted and we were sent back." He stopped, looking at the others. They had nothing to add.

Elizabeth, on the other hand, seemed confused. "What?"

"I don't understand... kill who? Who is 'They'?"

"The Wraith," John's words came out as a growl, all the hatred he had for them condensed in the two words.

"The Hoffans helped the Wraith get Carson. And we couldn't stop them."

"But why Carson?"

"Because he has the Ancient gene." Rodney was furious, at himself, at Elizabeth, at everyone. He would have agreed to stay in Carson's place in a heartbeat. If only he had been offered the choice.

"So does John. And his is stronger," Elizabeth said.

"You're right. But that's what he said. Help them activate Ancient devices." Rodney pressed his palms to his aching head. "This doesn't make any sense."

"Do you think they will keep him on the planet?"

"Yes." Ronon rose from his chair and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from Weir's desk. As he drew the map on the paper, he explained, "When we were taken outside, I saw some other doors on the corridor. One of them had a window and I saw inside. It was a lab... a strange one, but a lab. I think they will keep him there."

"But we know where he is." Elizabeth knew the Wraith were confident, but they weren't stupid.

"There are a lot of drones in that building. And probably a lot more that we don't know about. Getting him out of that building will be nearly impossible." As he was explaining the situation to Elizabeth, John realised how hard this was going to be. If only he could have talked to Carson, set up a code of some kind.

"Did you have the chance to talk to Carson before leaving?"

"Rodney did." John shot an angry look in Rodney's direction. "The Wraith gave him the choice, and since Rodney couldn't control his emotions, Carson picked him."

"Do you want me to feel guilty for not wanting to leave him there?" Rodney asked, hurt by John's words.

"No, but you could have thought of what was best and tried to hold it back, like Teyla and Ronon did. If I could have talked to him, maybe I could have set up some codes, some way of letting him know -"

"It wouldn't have worked. They put a thing on his hand... like the Wraith have on their fingers, to communicate to each other. We'll have to ask Carson's guys about that."

"You mean the Wraith can hear Carson's thoughts?" Elizabeth asked, shocked.

"I'm not sure. Maybe it requires some activation from Carson, but we can't risk it. We have to do this without Carson's help," Rodney said.

"Okay, you should get something to eat and think about our options. I'll tell Dr. Andrews what you told me so far and she'll talk to you once you're ready," Elizabeth suggested.

"Dr. Andrews?" Rodney asked.

"She's Carson's 2IC. They studied the Wraith samples together. She should be able to help you."

"I'll go there on my way to the mess hall and tell her myself," Rodney replied.

Before any of them could leave the room, Teyla said "Just one minute, please. I want to apologize."

"This wasn't your fault, Teyla," Elizabeth tried to comfort her.

"It is. After the siege, I tried to block my... gift. I may have sensed the Wraith, if I hadn't blocked it. I might have prevented this from happening."

"If you had sensed them, Carson would have wanted to go there to make sure the Hoffans were okay. It wouldn't have stopped us," Rodney said. "Carson said this isn't anybody's fault."


	6. Chapter 6

Carson didn't notice his surroundings as he was escorted back to his room. He didn't notice the wooden bed that was placed under the small window, nor the presence of the Wraith. He just sat on the floor, holding his knees and trying to figure out when it had started to go wrong.

"You should eat."

The hissing voice startled him. When he raised his eyes from the floor and saw the Wraith he involuntarily jumped back, hitting the wall with a loud thud. The Wraith reached out with his hand, as if trying to calm him down. "I will not hurt you." He handed a small bowl to Carson and watched as the man ate the offered food.

"Who are you?" Carson asked.

"I am your keeper. My duty is to make sure you do what you are required to do."

The wraith's skin was whiter than that of the other wraith he had seen and his features weren't very defined. Carson presumed that he was younger than the others.

"What am I required to do now?"

"What you wish." Carson's brow furrowed and the Wraith hurriedly added, "What you wish to do in this room, with me present."

"Lovely. Do you have a name?"

"We don't have names... not like humans do. I am your keeper."

"I'll call you..." Carson remembered how John had named the Wraith they had met so far. "I'll call you that." Carson didn't see the regret on the face of the keeper as he returned his gaze to the floor.

Doctor Janet Andrews was one of the few scientists in Atlantis who knew when to listen and when to talk. After twenty minutes, she knew everything there was to know about what happened on the planet and was explaining to Rodney what she thought about the device. "From you have told me, the communication between Carson and the wraith that took place during the night was very tough for Carson physically. That device probably allows him to experience what the Wraith want him to, without exhausting him physically."

"Could it be a tracking device?" Rodney asked.

"The ones we examined were... organic. The one used on Carson must be different, as human and wraith physiology aren't compatible. I don't know what adaptations they might have made."

"I think it could have some tracking features, something that would let them know if Carson's trying to escape."

"We should be prepared to remove it before bringing Carson back to Atlantis, just to be sure. How did it attach to his finger?"

"Spikes." Rodney cringed at the memory and Janet couldn't blame him.

"Okay, go to your quarters and rest... while thinking of a way to get him out of there. I'll consult with the other surgeons and see what I can do to prepare."

"I have an idea, I just have to see if we have enough time to prepare what we need." Rodney left the infirmary, heading for his lab.

Carson saw his keeper leaning over him as soon as he woke up. The wraith was trying to see out the window, but it was too high and his stretching was useless. Carson coughed and the wraith turned abruptly, almost losing his balance.

"You're awake." He went to the door and knocked two times. A few moments later a bowl with food was brought and Carson ate its contents silently.

The Wraith was studying him and didn't bother to hide it.

"Anything I can do to help?" Carson asked, looking him in the eyes.

"You have blue eyes!"

"Aye. Why does that surprise you?"

"All the humans I have seen before had brown eyes."

"Well... Are you supposed to study me?" Carson asked, trying to find out more about his guard.

"No, it's just that... I find humans fascinating."

Carson chuckled. "That's what we say about some of our food. Except it's usually dead when we eat it."

"You eat other animals, don't you?"

"Aye, but it's not the same." He had thought about this many times, and for reasons he couldn't put into words, he knew that humans eating sheep wasn't the same as Wraith eating humans.

"Just because you can't talk to your food?"

"No, it's just that -"

"Or because you have not been the prey until now?"

"There are animals who can eat humans on my planet. But we make sure they have something else to eat... " Carson was frustrated and angry that he was trying to explain himself to a wraith. The most sensible thing to do was shut up and let the wraith do as he pleased.

After a few minutes of silence, the wraith decided that Carson did not want to continue their conversation.

"I am sorry, I did not mean to upset you," the keeper said.

Carson stared at him for a few moments, shocked by what he heard. Why would the Wraith apologize? He didn't know what to say, but he knew he had to react in some way, so he nodded. The wraith nodded, too and smiled. Not the sneering, proud smile that he has seen on the faces of other wraith. This keeper was different.

After Carson finished his meal, two drones escorted them to one of the labs. His keeper explained, "You will start your work here. If there is anything that you need and isn't here, it will be provided."

Carson looked around him, scanning the lab for any Ancient technology. All he could see were devices that seemed to be of wraith origin and some Hoffan chemistry books.

"You probably don't know what these devices do." The wraith approached one of the biggest devices and started explaining. "From what the Hoffans have told us, you call this a microscope. And this is a container for the cells that you -"

"Wait a minute! You brought me to the wrong place. My duty is to activate Ancient technology, not... What's wrong?"

The keeper's features darkened and he asked, "What did you promise to do?"

"Help you activate Ancient technology."

The wraith shook his head and explained in a low voice, "This help... our leaders want you to make a drug for us, so that any wraith can activate Ancient technology."

Carson stared, a wave of horror washing over him. "I won't do such a thing."

Before the keeper could answer, an older wraith entered the room, smiling confidently. "I will expect a report from you every day. I expect this drug to be ready within the month."

"I will not make this bloody drug for you!" Carson shouted at him.

"Oh, you will. You will or you will pay the price for not keeping your word."

Before Carson could protect himself the Wraith hit him in the chest, sending him flying across the room.

Carson felt a sharp pain in his back as he struck one of the tables before landing on the floor. He saw the two wraith fighting and tried to get up. His vision blackened and he fell back to the floor, unconscious.

"And when we get there, we beam him out," Rodney said.

"There are only two problems, Rodney," John said calmly. "The Daedalus will arrive here tomorrow. It will take three days for it to reach Hoff. That means four days."

"Yes. In four days Carson will be with us," Rodney replied.

"But we can't beam him out if we don't know where he is."

"There is a way..." Rodney said.

"He has nothing, other than his clothes. Nothing that could -"

"A beacon! If we can give him -"

"Rodney, he can't know about this, remember?" John asked, frustrated.

"We could use a very small one that we'd..." Rodney considered the possibilities. It had to be small and attached to Carson, so he couldn't loose it. "We could make a microscopic transmitter and inject it -"

"Whoa! Rodney, how could we get there with a big syringe and put a transmitter in him? It's a bit far-fetched."

"We need a beacon anyway. We'll just make a small one and try this. If you've got a better solution, you can share it," Rodney replied, glaring at John.

"I have nada," John admitted dejectedly.

"Thought so. I'll work on this with Radek. You prepare the personnel that will go aboard the Daedalus. And don't forget Andrews."


	7. Chapter 7

Carson woke up in his cell. When he tried to move, he felt a dull pain in his back where he had struck the table.

"It's okay," the keeper's voice came from above him. "You just need to rest." The Wraith was holding him, keeping his head slightly elevated. He wasn't simply watching Carson, he was caring for his charge.

The physical contact made Carson feel a bit strange and his first reaction was to back away, but it was something about the way that the Wraith was holding him that made him feel safe. He needed to feel safe.

"Did I get you in any trouble?" Carson asked, genuinely concerned.

"I wouldn't be here if you did. I only reminded him that you need to stay alive."

"You need me to stay alive," Carson softly answered.

"How could your friends rescue you otherwise?"

"It's been a day and nothing has happened."

"Don't you trust them?"

Carson moved to a sitting position and looked at him. "There are the things I feel and the things I know. I know I'm here and I feel that I should trust them." He wanted to hope, but so many times before he was disappointed. John and Elizabeth and everyone else in Atlantis would do everything to help him, but he feared that not even they could rescue him.

With a smile, the Wraith answered, "That is the difference between us. Your feelings are a strange mixture of instinct and knowledge."

"Between you and me, or the Wraith and the humans?"

"Am I not Wraith? Are you not human?" 

Carson smiled. The Wraith before him was different. He had hoped so much when first meeting Ellia and it went so terribly wrong, that he was afraid to hope again. "We have a saying – some of us do - 'You are what you eat.'"

The Wraith snickered. "You humans are odd."

"Aye, we are. How many humans have you known?"

"A lot." The keeper's voice was blank and leveled.

"I mean... talking to, like you're talking to me now."

"I know that's what you mean. I knew a lot of humans. Now rest." He rose from his place and left the cell abruptly

- -- - -- -

Rodney summoned those who were involved in the rescue mission to the conference room. Elizabeth couldn't help but remember the way they had gathered when the city was under siege.

Rodney explained the plan: they would go to the planet, implant a locator chip in Carson's arm and beam him out using the Daedalus' transporter beam.

"We contacted the Daedalus and they will make the stop here as short as possible. Hermiod suggested they might be able to reach the planet a little faster than we initially thought," Elizabeth explained.

"Yes. We must make sure that the Daedalus can beam him up as soon as it reaches orbit. This means we must get to the planet through the gate to implant the chip." John stopped to look at the scientists gathered around the table. "The best solution I've come up with is a cloaked jumper."

"The problem is that nobody dials the gate without going through," Zelenka said.

" We must send two jumpers, one cloaked and one visible. As soon as the visible one distracts them, the cloaked jumper will fly through the gate. After that, the first jumper can return and the Wraith will think that we've given up."

Elizabeth waited for a few seconds, letting them digest the information and said, "Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay will be in the cloaked jumper. Major Lorne and Ronon will be in the other jumper."

"Dr. McKay and I have thought that it would be better to remove the Wraith device before Carson left the planet," Dr. Andrews said.

"It could be some kind of tracking device, alerting the Wraith of our rescue, or it could affect Carson physically after leaving the perimeter," Rodney explained.

"I agree. It's better to be cautious," Elizabeth said.

"Have you determined how I can do this?" she asked, looking toward Rodney.

"From what you told me, I understood you need about thirty minutes," Rodney intervened.

"Yes. Give or take ten."

"Well, you beam into the room where he is, do your job and then we beam the both of you up to the Daedalus," Rodney explained. As he saw no reaction from those around them, he decided to go into more detail about the plan, to make them understand. "As soon as we implant that chip, Colonel Sheppard and I will return to the jumper. Since coming back through the gate would be dangerous, we'll go aboard the Daedalus, as soon as it reaches orbit. Then Dr. Andrews will beam to the cell and remove the device."

"What if he's not alone?" Weir asked.

"We'll take care of the others," John said dryly. Seeing the surprised looks he others gave him, he continued, "Stun them before they can say something. The life-sign detector can tell us if he's alone. If there's anybody, I'll beam together with Dr. Andrews and take them out. I should probably beam down with her, just in case."

"Good. This is the plan, prepare for the mission," Elizabeth dismissed them.

- -- - -- -

The second day in the lab passed quite slowly. His keeper was as silent and impassive as a statue. Carson refused to do any actual research, but studied the devices that the Wraith had provided. From what he could tell without actually using them, the Wraith built one instrument for each separate task. Their knowledge of human physiology didn't go beyond what was needed for their feeding process. Carson suspected that the Wraith feeding process was fully developed when they came into sentience as a race, their evolutionary progress through time being minimal. He was considering ways of testing this theory when the older Wraith entered the lab.

"What is your progress?"

"I am studying the technology you have here. I must know what -"

"That is what the instructions are for. Do you have a formula?"

"No." There was too much stubbornness in that one word, too much determination for the Wraith not to understand.

Before Carson could move the Wraith's feeding hand had slammed into his chest and a cracking sound echoed in the room. The Wraith moved back, startled by the sound and asked the younger one, "Is he going to die?"

"If you keep hitting him, probably." He approached Carson, who was slumped on the floor by one of the desks. "How bad is it?"

"Cracked a rib... or two." He hoped they wouldn't ask him to move right away. To be honest, he just wanted to sit there and wait for everything to go away. His keeper gently helped him up from the floor and slowly guided him to the cell.

Once inside and lying down Carson touched his chest, trying to assess the damage. He had two cracked ribs, nothing major considering what could have happened.

"That was stupid." The Wraith's voice was full of reproach. "You could have died."

"I know. This is what I have decided to do. I can't help him achieve this, and if it will lead to my death, then so be it," Carson said in a strong voice.

The keeper's features softened as he said, "I didn't say it was wrong."

Carson kept twisting in his bed, trying to find a comfortable position.

"May I help?"

"Not really. Never had cracked ribs before, takes some time to find a comfortable position."

The Wraith smiled. "You really are odd."

"Well... I have seen worse." Carson had tried to block all thoughts of Atlantis, of his friends back home, but it was impossible. They have marked his life more than anything else before.

"So have I."

Carson remembered his keeper's departure the day before and said, "Sorry if I upset you yesterday. I didn't mean to it's just that -"

"No need to apologize." The keeper paused for a moment, before continuing thoughtfully, "What do you know about Wraith children?"

"That they eat normal food until they're eleven or twelve."

"Is that all?"

"Aye." Carson finally gave up and leaned against the wall, enjoying the coolness of the concrete-like material. "We met a girl once. She wanted to become human."

"I know what happened," the Wraith responded. Seeing the surprise on Carson's face, he explained, "There are many humans who offer information to the Wraith in exchange for protection. That is one of the reasons why you were considered for this task."

"Right."

"You shouldn't feel ashamed... or guilty. What happened there was not your fault. Neither was what happened here when you first came. It wouldn't have happened without you, but it wasn't your fault."

"Thanks. But just knowing that I was part of this makes me..."

"That guilt brought you here... a prisoner with little chance of escape. You must learn to be less... emotional."

"And end up where? If we weren't emotional... Do you think a rescue mission is reasonable? So many people risking their lives to come and save me. But that doesn't stop them. It never did. It is what makes us the way we are. And I'm fine with what I am."

"You are. And many others like you, but there are so many who aren't..."

"What do you mean?"

"I grew up... Wraith children are brought up by humans. There are some worlds where all humans have this duty... to raise a Wraith child. My caretaker, Jenth, was a good man. He taught me a lot." He paused for a few minutes, memories overwhelming him. "Most of the humans hated us, because of what we would become. It was hard to understand back then. But Jenth was kind and he... he gave me a name. He even said that I was more human than many of the humans that he knew." He raised his eyes and met Carson's. "Can you make me human?"

"My drug isn't finished, but I'm working on it." Carson wanted to get out of his prison, but he wasn't willing to make a promise he couldn't fulfill. "I'm not certain that it will work."

"I understand."

"Do you want to tell me your name?" Carson asked gently, hoping that he had earned his trust.

"I will. But please, don't say it when others are around. They wouldn't understand." Carson nodded his head in acknowledgement. "My name is Ketrhym."

Carson smiled and reached out and placed his right hand on Ketrhym's. "Mine is Carson."

"Rest, Carson." 


End file.
